Disclaimer: Tôi viết bài viết này khi đã vượt qua một nỗi e dè không nhỏ, bởi biết rằng những gì viết ra có thể làm nổi lên nhiều tranh cãi. Sẽ có những người lấy nó để công kích cá nhân hay ngừng theo dõi Mindfully T. Cũng có thể sẽ có những người bình luận để lật lại quan điểm của tôi một cách văn minh. Tuy nhiên, bài viết này không phải để thuyết phục, lý luận hay tỏ ra hiểu biết. Tôi chỉ viết vì đơn giản là tôi viết ra. Thay cho những người mẹ dù đã biết mình cần làm gì nhưng vẫn chìm trong hồ nghi vì nhiễu. Thay cho những em bé cần được vỗ về nhưng chưa biết nói ra.
Vì vậy, với tất cả những phản ứng dù tích cực hay tiêu cực, tôi cũng xin phép không hồi đáp.
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Một câu hỏi lặp đi lặp lại
Thời điểm tôi sinh em bé đầu lòng, nhen nhóm trong cộng đồng các bà mẹ là một xu hướng mới: luyện ngủ cho con. Trước khi sinh con ra, tôi đã thuộc lòng những bước rèn con tự ngủ đọc được từ sách vở: quấn chặt, cho ngậm ti giả, tắt đèn, bật tiếng ồn trắng, vỗ chứ không bế, không cho ti để ngủ, cry it out, vân vân.
Tôi đã chuẩn bị tinh thần để bình tâm trước những tiếng khóc xé lòng, vững tin rằng người mẹ tốt là người biết đặt cảm xúc sang một bên để “cứng rắn” với con. Phần thưởng hứa hẹn không chỉ là việc được làm mẹ nhàn tênh, có thời gian cho bản thân, mà còn vì con nữa: con biết cách TỰ TRẤN AN, học cách TỰ LẬP từ thuở lọt lòng. Mọi thứ đều hoàn toàn logic và hợp lý.
Chỉ có điều, đó là một thứ ảo tưởng sẽ bị đập vỡ vụn bởi thực tế khi em bé ra đời.
Chưa nói đến việc con có hợp tác hay không, bản thân tôi tự cảm thấy có gì không ổn. Dù mớ lý thuyết nuôi con “khoa học” ở trên có logic và chặt chẽ đến đâu, nó cũng trở nên vô nghĩa khi trái tim tôi cất tiếng. Trái tim người mẹ, bản năng người mẹ bảo tôi bế con lên mà vỗ về, giữa đêm con khóc thì hãy cứ thản nhiên nghiêng người cho con bú rồi chìm vào giấc ngủ. Cứ để mọi thứ tự nhiên như hơi thở. Khi con khóc và trong đầu vang lên những lời nhắc nhở: “Để con tự xoay sở, bế ru mãi rồi sinh hư” thì cùng lúc trái tim lên tiếng: “Con đang sợ hãi và cần mình xoa dịu, bế con lên đi và hát cho con nghe, cho con biết có mẹ đang ở đây và mọi thứ đều ổn cả!”
Cái gì là đúng, cái gì là sai?
Làm theo bản năng người mẹ và tôi sẽ cướp đi của con cơ hội trở thành một con người mạnh mẽ, tự lập? Hay là làm theo lý trí và giả điếc với trái tim, phớt lờ một thứ gì bên trong đang giằng xé?
Càng ngày tôi càng muốn đi theo bản năng người mẹ. Nhưng có một nỗi sợ cứ kéo tôi trở lại: Nếu ngay từ đầu tôi đã thất bại trong việc dạy con cách tự ngủ, liệu tôi có thể dạy nổi kỹ năng nào cho con từ giờ về sau nữa?
Ôi, những ảo tưởng thơ ngây và những nỗi sợ khiến người làm mẹ lần đầu choáng ngợp!
Nhưng không chỉ những ngày tháng đầu tiên đâu! Cho mãi đến tận sau này, câu chuyện “dỗ hay không dỗ” vẫn còn tiếp diễn.
Khi con bước vào tuổi lên ba, những cơn ăn vạ lăn đùng ngã ngửa giữa chốn đông người, những ỉ ôi não nề khi con bám mẹ, phải làm sao? Chúng ta sẽ cau mày trừng mắt dọa cho con sợ, phạt con úp mặt vào tường để dạy cho con biết thế nào là kỷ luật? Hay là chúng ta sẽ yên lặng ở bên, ôm ấp vỗ về để giúp con xoa dịu mớ cảm xúc hỗn độn rồi mới nhẹ nhàng dẫn con về giới hạn, đúng sai?
Khi con vào “đại học chữ to”, ta sẽ cùng con học mà chơi, chơi mà học, hay là vừa ngồi bên bàn học, vừa cầm roi? Khi con bước vào tuổi dậy thì và nói con thích một người, ta sẽ trấn an con mọi thứ rồi sẽ ổn và lắng nghe câu chuyện ngây ngô mà rắc rối? Hay là sẽ chặn lời con ngay từ đầu và bảo rằng không có yêu đương gì hết!
Lúc đó, chúng ta sẽ chọn làm gì?
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Trả lại tầm quan trọng cho sự vỗ về
Giờ là lúc tôi ghi lại những sự thật mà tôi ước gì đã có ai nói cho tôi biết.
Trấn an là một trong những khả năng thiên bẩm của cha mẹ khi họ có con. Và Tự nhiên thì thông minh lắm. Ông Trời ban cho ta khả năng trấn an một em bé, bởi vì đó là một điều quan trọng mà con cần ở ta. Trong một thế giới nhân văn hơn, có lẽ khả năng trấn an con cũng nên được đề cao chẳng kém gì thành công trong kinh doanh hay chiến thắng trong thế vận hội Olympic!
Kỹ năng này là bản năng nhưng không hề đơn giản.
Đầu tiên, ta cần cảm nhận được khi nào con cần sự vỗ về. Thường thì khi cần được trấn an nhiều nhất trẻ lại thể hiện như thể chúng muốn đẩy ta ra xa nhất: chúng khóc thét, chúng la hét, giận dữ, chống đối, cự tuyệt.
Người mẹ sẽ phải nhìn sâu hơn qua bề mặt hành vi. Họ hiểu rằng ở bên dưới bề mặt đó là nhu cầu cần được trấn an, cần được yêu thương tới mức tuyệt vọng. Hiểu được điều đó, người mẹ không vùng vằng bỏ đi mà vẫn nhẫn nại cho con sự vỗ về kể cả khi con khăng khăng cự tuyệt. Khi người ta thương thật lòng, cái tôi bỗng trở thành vô nghĩa lý.
Thứ nữa, ta biết cách bình thường hóa nhu cầu của con. Ta hiểu nhu cầu được vỗ về là hoàn toàn tự nhiên, bình thường ở mỗi đứa trẻ. Khả năng tự trấn an không phải cứ vội vàng dạy là sẽ biết. Khi người mẹ chấp nhận nhu cầu của con chính là khi họ dạy cho con chấp nhận những khía cạnh yếu đuối của mình mà không hề hổ thẹn. Con hiểu mình không cần phải giả vờ mạnh mẽ hay hoàn hảo, và chính điều đó giúp con mạnh mẽ hơn.
Có một lầm tưởng ở mẹ rằng nếu càng xoa dịu, con càng quen với việc được quan tâm và sẽ đòi hỏi sự quan tâm mọi lúc, luôn muốn là trung tâm của vũ trụ. Nhưng chờ đã. Chẳng phải những người luôn muốn thu hút sự chú ý của người khác là những người thiếu sự quan tâm nhất hay sao? Những đứa trẻ được trấn an đúng lúc sẽ cảm thấy đủ an toàn và được yêu thương đến nỗi một ngày chính chúng sẽ biết cách tự trấn an, thậm chí có mong muốn yêu thương và trấn an người khác nữa.
Quay trở lại câu chuyện ở đầu bài, tôi vẫn biết những em bé đã học cách ngừng khóc khi chúng cần giúp đỡ. Nhưng điều đó không đồng nghĩa với việc các em biết cách tự trấn an. Ngược lại, chất chứa ở bên trong là rất nhiều bất an, lo sợ và căng thẳng. Chỉ là, và viết đến đây thì tôi đau lòng quá, chỉ là các em biết rằng dù truyền đạt những thứ đó ra cũng chẳng nhận được sự giúp đỡ nào đâu.
Tôi không nhận mình là một người mẹ GIỎI, tôi vẫn còn gặp rất nhiều vấn đề về cách đối xử với con hằng ngày. Nhưng có một điều tôi đã hiểu, hiểu từ chính sai lầm của bản thân.
Việc đầu tiên tôi cần làm là lắng nghe và đáp ứng những nhu cầu của con mình. Bế con lên khi con khóc ngặt giữa đêm. Ôm con thật chặt. Bướng bỉnh đứng bên con kể cả khi con khóc òa và nói: “con ghét mẹ!”
Tôi sẽ ở đó và vỗ về, dỗ dành hay giúp đỡ theo bất cứ cách nào bản năng của tôi mách bảo. Bằng lời nói hay hành động, tôi sẽ đoan chắc với con rằng dù sao đi nữa thì con vẫn còn có tôi, và rồi mọi chuyện sẽ ổn thôi.
Lớn lên trong sự vỗ về, đứa trẻ sẽ được chuẩn bị tốt nhất trước khi ra đời: dù đối diện với điều gì thì vững vàng bên trong là một loại “vũ khí” tâm lý tinh nhuệ nhất. Cách bạn trấn an con hôm nay sẽ chính là cách con tự trấn an mình mai sau, khi bạn không còn nữa. Đơn giản bởi vì con biết rằng cơn bão sẽ qua, chỉ cần cho phép mình được nghỉ ngơi tĩnh tâm một chút. Một ngày nào đó sau một ngày mệt mỏi, con sẽ tự pha cho mình một cốc mật ong ấm, tự nấu cho mình bữa ăn ngon và nhắc mình đi ngủ sớm. Rồi mọi chuyện sẽ ổn thôi.
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