Làm cha mẹ, Sống chánh niệm

Chúng ta sinh con ra để làm gì?

Thời lượng đọc: 7 phút

Trong các tập giáng sinh của Series phim “How I met your mother”, tôi nhớ nhất là ngày giáng sinh mà Robin vô tình phát hiện ra cô bị vô sinh. Cô ngồi khóc tu tu trên ghế băng ở công viên, giữa làn tuyết rơi dày đặc. Điều này khiến tôi cảm thấy vừa thương vừa khó hiểu: Robin  yêu cuộc sống tự do và chỉ muốn trở thành một phát thanh viên nổi tiếng. Cô không thích trẻ con và chưa bao giờ có ý định làm mẹ, nhưng vẫn không tránh khỏi nỗi buồn khi biết mình không thể sinh con.

Chúng ta sinh con ra để làm gì vậy?

Bên cạnh bản năng tự nhiên để duy trì nòi giống, chúng ta sinh con vì những động cơ cá nhân nào?

Ngày xưa ông bà ta sinh con để có thêm người lao động: bé thì đi chăn trâu cắt cỏ, lớn đi làm đồng. Rồi thì sinh con để có người kế thừa cơ nghiệp, để có người chăm sóc lúc về già, thậm chí để có người…lo hậu sự khi mình đã qua đời.

Gần thời chúng ta hơn một chút, sinh con là để cho “vui cửa vui nhà”, để cho bằng bạn bằng bè, để tự giải phóng khỏi áp lực từ xã hội – khi ta đã quá mệt mỏi với những câu hỏi “đầy yêu thương, quan tâm” của cô dì chú bác: “Thế đã có tin vui chưa cháu? Đẻ đi còn kế hoạch gì nữa!”

Điều buồn cười là tất cả những lý do đó đều chẳng liên quan gì đến chính đứa trẻ được sinh ra. Bản thân đứa trẻ với những nhu cầu, bản năng, khát vọng rất riêng lại không hề được chú ý tới.

Thế hệ chúng ta đã khác, hoặc là chưa nhưng sẽ cần phải khác. Ở một mức độ nào đó, đứa trẻ bắt đầu được đặt vào vị trí trung tâm. Chúng ta bắt đầu cho rằng:

Sinh con ra trên đời là để giúp cho con phát triển những tiềm năng riêng có và trở thành một người hạnh phúc.

Nhiệm vụ làm cha mẹ của chúng ta có thể gói gọn trong một câu 24 chữ ở trên, nhưng nó không đơn giản như vậy. Báo đài nói ra rả về niềm hạnh phúc của người làm cha mẹ và vô tình lãng mạn hóa trải nghiệm nhiều thách thức này.

Khi bắt gặp hình ảnh một em bé đáng yêu trên newsfeed, ai cũng biết rằng sẽ tuyệt thế nào khi được ôm cục bông ấm áp kia, đặt môi hôn chiếc má phính kia, nắm lấy những ngón tay bé xíu kia. Nhưng còn có nhiều điều mà không ai, ngoài những người ở “hậu trường” mới biết. Rằng những phút giây “bình yên” như trong ảnh là hiếm hoi thế nào. Rằng những chiếc bỉm nhanh đầy như thế nào. Rằng mỗi ngày phải giặt bao nhiêu chiếc khăn đầy vết sữa và đồ ăn dặm. Rằng những đêm ngủ chập chờn vì con ốm khiến người ta mệt mỏi ra sao. Rằng họ thèm 5 phút đi WC mà không có ai đập cửa đến thế nào.

Và những khó khăn không dừng lại. Làm gì khi một đứa trẻ 2 tuổi lăn đùng ngã ngửa ra ăn vạ giữa cửa hàng vì không được mua món đồ chơi mà nó muốn? Làm gì khi một đứa trẻ 3 tuổi không chịu đánh răng? 4 tuổi không chịu chào người lớn? 5 tuổi không chịu dọn đồ chơi? 6 tuổi không chịu ngồi yên trên bàn học? 10 tuổi phớt lờ lời của bố mẹ? 12 tuổi có người yêu? 15 tuổi liên tục chống đối và nổi loạn?

Nói ra những điều này không phải để khẳng định rằng việc sinh con là một quyết định sai lầm. Chỉ là, nó không phải dành cho tất cả mọi người. Sai lầm của xã hội chúng ta là đặt ra một tiêu chuẩn cứng nhắc: Cứ đến tuổi là phải cưới, mà đã cưới là phải sinh con. Có nhất thiết phải như thế không?

Nếu bạn chưa biết mình muốn gì;

Nếu bạn vẫn đang cần đầu tư thời gian cho sự nghiệp;

Nếu bạn hoàn toàn thỏa mãn với cuộc sống không có trẻ con;

Nếu bạn còn chưa học được cách xử lý những đau khổ của chính mình;

Nếu bạn thấy mình chưa sẵn sàng để hi sinh

…thì hãy cứ ngẩng đầu lên mà trả lời: “Em/cháu chưa định có con trong thời gian tới” và cho phép mình không cần giải thích lý do (một cái mỉm cười là đủ cho mọi lời thắc mắc). Bởi vì, những người thắc mắc không thể sống thay bạn hay những em bé mà bạn (sẽ) đem đến thế giới này.

Trong những khoảnh khắc cảm thấy áp lực và yếu lòng, hãy nhớ:

Thế giới sẽ không buồn vì những đứa trẻ chưa từng được sinh ra.

Nó chỉ trở nên đau khổ khi những đứa trẻ đã được sinh ra bởi những người chưa thực sự sẵn sàng làm cha mẹ. 

Yêu thương,

Photo by Suzi Kim on Unsplash

Có thể bạn sẽ thích

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