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Mẹ đưa cho tôi một chiếc chăn hồng in hình thỏ trắng mới tinh, gấp vuông vắn trong túi nilon, nói cầm về cho hai đứa nhỏ. Kèm theo đó là cả một câu chuyện đau lòng.

Bà A. là bạn chợ của mẹ, nay đã ngoài bảy mươi. Con gái bà mua cái nhà ngay trong chợ, bà tới ở cùng để vừa trông cháu cho con gái đi làm, vừa bán hàng chăn ga gối bình dân.

Tối nọ bà mải nấu cơm, để trẻ con tự trông nhau rồi hàng xóm sang chơi bế đứa nhỏ về nhà họ mà cũng không hay. Con gái đi làm về thấy cảnh ấy, trách bà không dành thời gian cho cháu, lời qua tiếng lại rồi đuổi bà về, vứt hết hàng họ của bà ra đường.

Bà A. mang câu chuyện đau lòng đi giãi bày với hội các bà ở xóm chợ, để nhờ mỗi người mua hộ ít hàng thanh lý vì chẳng còn chỗ bán. Chiếc chăn mới xinh xẻo của Lạc, Bia lại bắt nguồn từ một chuyện nặng nề như thế đấy.

Mẹ tôi nói đó không phải người duy nhất đang khổ sở vì có con bất hiếu. Bà B. hàng xóm nhà tôi cũng từng nằm liệt giường vì bị con trai mắng chửi, đòi từ bố mẹ chỉ vì một xích mích nhỏ. Bà C. phải đau đớn bỏ về quê với bàn tay trắng, vì bị con cự tuyệt sau khi bà giao cho nó hết cả gia tài.

Dứt câu chuyện, tôi nhìn đôi mắt rưng rưng của mẹ tôi. Tôi không rõ mẹ đang xót xa cho những người bạn kia, thấy mình còn may mắn vì có những đứa con hiếu thảo, hay là đang tưởng tượng về tương lai của mình liệu có bị con đuổi ra ngoài đường như thế.

Nhưng tôi biết chắc một điều rằng, với mẹ, hành động của những đứa con tội lỗi kia là không thể chấp nhận được. Nếu là trước đây, tôi sẽ có cùng một luồng suy nghĩ như thế.

Là một người con hiếu thảo, biết thương yêu và biết ơn bố mẹ, tôi cực lực phê phán những đứa con xấc láo, thiếu tôn trọng đấng sinh thành. Đã làm cha, làm mẹ rồi mà sao còn không hiểu và không thương lấy cha mẹ của chính mình. Làm sao lại có thể gây tổn thương cho chính những người tạo ra mình như vậy?

Tôi sẽ phán xét, thành kiến, khinh bỉ và ước gì ông trời trừng phạt những người đó, để cho họ trắng mắt ra!

Nhưng đã từ lâu, tôi đã buông đi kiểu quy chụp tốt – xấu, thiện – ác rạch ròi như thế. Cái lối tư duy hai màu đen – trắng dễ khiến cho người ta trở nên độc ác, phán xét và làm lu mờ lòng thấu cảm.

Tôi nhìn về những câu chuyện của mẹ với sự thương cảm chân thành không chỉ dành cho một phía. Chúng ta có thể phán xét những người con kia, cho họ là bất hiếu, vô ơn, ăn cháo đá bát. Chúng ta có thể gọi họ là những kẻ xấu xa.

Nhưng hãy thử quan sát họ với cái nhìn đa chiều hơn. Với lòng thấu cảm của mình, tôi biết chắc rằng những người con tội lỗi kia cũng đang đau khổ. Họ cũng có những khó khăn, dằn vặt và đấu tranh ở bên trong. Họ cũng có những trải nghiệm tổn thương từ thời thơ bé, đôi khi là chính từ cha mẹ mình.

“Cái cây sẽ nhớ, cái rìu sẽ quên” – những người mẹ có thể không bao giờ biết, nhưng một lúc hay nhiều lúc nào đó, họ đã từng làm tổn thương con mình bằng những lời nói, hành động hay thái độ thiếu thấu cảm. Thế nhưng, những đứa trẻ ấy sẽ lớn lên, mang theo những vết thương chưa bao giờ được chữa lành. Dù đào sâu chôn chặt đến đâu, chúng vẫn ngày ngày rỉ máu, phản ánh vào suy nghĩ và hành động.

Sự căm ghét, bất cần, vô ơn mà họ dành cho cha mẹ mình phải chăng chỉ là biểu hiện của những tổn thương?

Đằng sau những hành động nhẫn tâm của con gái bà A. phải chăng là một đứa trẻ đang nức nở: “Mẹ ơi, mẹ đừng làm việc nữa, mẹ chơi với con! Mẹ ơi, cả tuổi thơ con đã luôn thèm thuồng sự quan tâm của mẹ, đến giờ con có con rồi, mẹ vẫn không thể dành sự quan tâm cho cháu của mẹ được sao?”

Những vết thương như thế cứ truyền từ đời này sang đời khác, qua bao nhiêu thế hệ trong chính gia đình.

Tôi không cổ súy cho những con người bất hiếu. Gây tổn thương cho người khác không bao giờ là việc nên làm, nhất là với những người mà chúng ta mang ơn sinh thành, dưỡng dục.

Tôi chỉ nghĩ rằng mình nên nhìn vào sự việc với lòng thấu cảm đa chiều. Tôi sống nỗi đau của họ, đồng cảm với họ và mở lòng tha thứ cho họ. Tôi mong cho họ được bình yên, mong cho những vết thương trong họ được chữa lành.

Lòng yêu thương lúc nào cũng nhẹ nhõm hơn thù hận, và tôi ước gì mỗi thế hệ trôi qua, những vết thương như thế sẽ ngày một ít đi. Đời chúng ta sẽ khác cha mẹ chúng ta. Đời con chúng ta sẽ còn khác hơn thế nữa.

Đó là lý do vì sao khi học làm cha mẹ, hãy khoan tìm hiểu về kỹ thuật này, phương pháp nọ. Chúng ta cần chữa lành cho đứa trẻ bên trong chính mình trước nhất. Những tổn thương đó không cần và cũng không nên lặp lại đối với con cái chúng ta.

Yêu thương,

Có thể bạn sẽ thích

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