Làm cha mẹ, Sống chánh niệm

Tôi đã “sống sót” qua những lần con ốm như thế nào?

Thời lượng đọc: 7 phút

Tôi đang viết những dòng này trong trạng thái người mệt rũ, mắt lờ đờ và đầu óc như trên mây sau một đêm thức chăm con ốm. Thật ngạc nhiên, tuy cơ thể mệt mỏi nhưng trong lòng tôi lại bình yên đến lạ. Tôi không lo lắng. Không than trời trách đất. Không thương hại hay đổ lỗi cho mình.

Không phải lúc nào tôi cũng bình tĩnh được như thế. Nếu đã làm mẹ, chắc bạn cũng đồng ý với tôi rằng con ốm quả là một “cơn ác mộng”. Ngày đi làm, tối về cho con ăn, dỗ con uống thuốc, vỗ về khi con khóc quấy vì khó chịu trong người. Còn ban đêm? Con ốm thì cứ là xác định mẹ khỏi cần ngủ: cả đêm bế ẵm, đu võng, chườm mát, thức chong chong canh từng cơn sốt.

Trong những ngày và những đêm dài như cả thế kỷ ấy, tôi đã từng như thế nào? Tôi không thể nào bình tĩnh nổi. Tôi trách ông trời sao ác với mẹ con tôi. Tôi trách con không để tôi được ngả lưng, dù chỉ là một chút thôi. Rồi tôi quay ra trách chính mình vì sao lại trách con như vậy.

Giữa những ý nghĩ oán thán và cảm giác mệt mỏi, tôi cảm thấy bất lực vì không thể làm gì cho con dễ chịu hơn. Giá mà tôi có thể thay con nhận hết những đau đớn, khó thở, những tiếng ho xé phổi, những cơn sốt miên man kia! Có những lúc tôi lại muốn bỏ trốn. Tôi muốn quay trở lại thời son rỗi khi không phải chăm lo cho ai ngoài chính mình. Hay là ước có ai đó chăm con, đi làm thay để tôi được trốn đi đâu đó ngủ vùi một giấc thật yên.

Thế nhưng, mọi thứ đã thay đổi khi tôi đọc được một bài viết trên trang Raised Happy. Mọi thứ như vỡ òa khi tôi hiểu ra rằng: tôi chính là liều thuốc hiệu nghiệm nhất khi con bị ốm. Tôi hiểu ra ý nghĩa của việc làm mẹ: có thể tôi chẳng là gì với thế giới ngoài kia nhưng với các con, tôi là cả thế giới.

Còn điều gì ý nghĩa hơn trong cuộc đời này nữa khi có ai đó cần chúng ta đến thế? Khi cơn hen làm con không thở nổi, khi cơn sốt làm con khó chịu, khi những cơn ho làm con không thể ngủ yên, không gì có thể xoa dịu con bằng vòng tay của mẹ.

Có thể tôi chẳng là gì với thế giới ngoài kia nhưng với các con, tôi là cả thế giới.

Sự hiểu thấu này đã thay đổi tâm thế của tôi trước mỗi lần đối diện với khó khăn trong hành trình làm mẹ. Mỗi lần con ốm, khi bắt đầu cảm thấy cồn cào, mệt mỏi và bực bội, tôi lại tự nhắc mình: hãy đón nhận tất cả bởi vì tôi đã sinh ra con trong cuộc đời này, bởi vì tôi là một người mẹ.

Trẻ con thì vẫn cứ phải ốm. Còn việc của tôi là ở đây, giúp con xoa dịu những mệt mỏi và đau đớn này. Tôi không còn tuyệt vọng mà trở nên bình tĩnh và kiên nhẫn hơn. Tôi biết rằng chỉ cần có thời gian, những trận ốm rồi sẽ qua, con sẽ khỏe lại và mạnh mẽ hơn lên.

Tôi nhận thấy rằng khi tâm thế của mình thay đổi, thì mọi thứ cũng không còn tệ hại đến thế. Con cũng bình tĩnh hơn, dễ chịu hơn khi tôi thấy bình yên. Dường như khi tôi nôn nóng và bực bội thì thứ năng lượng tiêu cực đó cũng truyền sang con. Ngược lại, khi tôi trầm lắng và mở lòng đón nhận, thì con cũng kiên cường và hợp tác hơn. Bởi vì chúng tôi không cô đơn. Chúng tôi có nhau, và sẽ cùng nhau vượt qua khó khăn này.

Đó cũng chính là điều tôi muốn dạy các con về nghịch cảnh. Chẳng có gì tốt hơn nếu bạn được ở trong một ngôi nhà kiên cố khi trời đang có bão. Thế nhưng sẽ có những ngày bạn buộc phải đối diện với cơn bão. Khi đội mưa đội gió ngoài đường, nếu bạn than trời trách đất hay lo sợ thì chỉ khiến mọi việc tệ hại hơn. Còn nếu bạn có một người bạn đồng hành, và cả hai đều tin rằng cơn bão rồi sẽ qua, trời rồi sẽ trong trở lại, thì việc phải ra ngoài trong cơn bão cũng không phải một trải nghiệm quá tồi tệ.

Bạn không thể che chắn cho con không gặp phải nghịch cảnh, nhưng bạn hoàn toàn có thể cùng con bình tĩnh vượt qua.

Lần tới, nếu bạn cảm thấy mình sắp kiệt sức vì con ốm, hãy nhớ điều này. Làm mẹ, chúng ta đều có thể trải qua những lúc mệt mỏi, bực bội hay bế tắc. Nhưng cứ nhìn vào những đôi mắt trong veo đầy tin tưởng và yêu thương kia, bạn sẽ thấy lòng mình lắng lại, tâm trí thông suốt. Đó là vì bạn không cô đơn. Bạn đâu có đang chiến đấu một mình. Có một thiên thần bé nhỏ vẫn đang bên cạnh, yêu thương và cần đến bạn.

Bạn không cần và không thể là một thế lực siêu nhiên bảo hộ con khỏi mọi ốm đau, nghịch cảnh. Hãy để con được đối diện với nghịch cảnh, để con được ốm trong sự đồng hành và hỗ trợ của người mà con hết mực tin yêu.

Thương yêu,

Photo by Joshua Reddekopp on Unsplash

Có thể bạn sẽ thích

1,017 Comments

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