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Con đường của Mindfully T. và suy nghĩ lại về việc vì sao tôi viết

Thời lượng đọc: 8 phút

Tháng 7 năm 2020, tôi bỏ ra 1 tháng lương đăng ký khóa học coaching 1:1 của chị Linh Phan để học viết, một kỹ năng chẳng mấy liên quan đến công việc của tôi khi ấy. Khóa học bắt đầu bằng câu hỏi: Vì sao tôi viết? Với khả năng chữ nghĩa vốn có và hiểu biết quá mờ nhạt về bản thân mình, tôi cũng vẽ vời ra được một áng văn lai láng để giải thích tại sao tôi lại muốn trở thành một người viết.

Gần một năm kể từ ngày ấy, Mindfully T. đã ra đời với gần 100 bài viết trên blog, các đầu báo và trang thông tin. Một năm nhìn lại, đúng như những gì coach Linh Phan đã lưu ý với tôi, lý do viết lách mà tôi viết ra khi ấy chẳng còn nhiều ý nghĩa.

Tại thời điểm bắt đầu, tất cả những gì tôi biết là: mình phải viết. Còn để làm gì, tôi không thực sự nắm bắt được cho tới mãi một năm sau.

Lạc đường

Sau khi kết thúc khóa học, tôi đã có trong tay kha khá vốn liếng về nghiệp viết và có thể tự tin rằng dù có bỏ công việc hiện tại thì tôi sẽ không sợ chết đói nhờ có viết. Tôi viết “kế hoạch kinh doanh” cho freelance business cùa mình và đặt ra những con số có cơ sở. Tôi có một vài khách hàng ổn định, và biết làm cách nào để tìm kiếm thêm khách hàng nếu cần thêm thu nhập.

Nhưng cùng lúc đó, một cảm giác không ổn ngày càng rõ ràng trong tôi. Tôi mải mê viết những bài viết theo đặt hàng, gò mình theo văn phong của từng đầu báo tôi cộng tác, mải mê chạy KPI cho chính mình đề ra để rồi cảm thấy kiệt sức. Một phần, vì tôi là con người không giỏi lập và thực hiện kế hoạch. Tôi cứ nhận và nhận mọi dự án mỗi khi chúng xuất hiện mà không cân đối thời gian của mình, gần như quên mất rằng mình vẫn đang làm việc fulltime không liên quan gì tới viết lách.

Nhưng một phần rất lớn khác, là một cảm giác rằng mình không trung thực. Tôi cảm thấy mình không sống thật với bản thân. Những khoản thu nhập từ viết hằng tháng vẫn đều đặn chuyển về tài khoản, những con số trong bản kế hoạch kinh doanh, chúng khiến tôi hào hứng trong chốc lát nhưng rồi sau đó nhanh chóng cảm thấy trống rỗng.

Đó không phải là mục đích cuối cùng của tôi khi bắt đầu. Tôi dừng lại gần như mọi thứ và không làm gì cả. Tôi muốn tìm ra câu trả lời thật sự cho câu hỏi “Vì sao tôi viết?” nhưng hàng tháng trôi qua mà vẫn hoàn toàn mù mờ.

Thần số học và con đường bỗng nhiên sáng tỏ

Giữa lúc hoang mang nhất, đột nhiên một người chị mới quen nói cho tôi biết về thần số học. Chị nói rằng tôi có con số chủ đạo là số 9. Tôi không phải người thích xem bói toán, nhưng ngay khi nghe giải thích về đặc điểm của những người mang số 9, tôi biết rằng đây đúng là mình.

Thần số học nói rằng những người số 9 sinh ra đã có một sứ mệnh rõ ràng. Họ hướng tới những giá trị nhân văn và sứ mệnh của họ cũng là giúp đỡ con người. Những người đã mang sứ mệnh rõ ràng như vậy nếu cố tình phớt lờ thì sẽ bị số phận dạy cho những bài học đắt giá để quay về với con đường mà mình sinh ra để đi.

Đó chẳng phải là đang nói về tôi sao? Từ bé tôi đã vô cùng nhạy cảm trước nỗi đau của người khác. Tôi luôn cảm thấy mình có trách nhiệm hàn gắn khi thấy ai đó tổn thương. Tôi sinh ra là để giúp đỡ con người, và đó phải là sứ mệnh cao nhất.

Vậy thì tôi đã làm sai điều gì cho đến thời điểm đó? Tôi chạy theo văn hóa, chạy theo những người viết lách tự do khác để đặt ra cho mình những tầm nhìn và mục tiêu từ-bên-ngoài: trở thành tác giả sách, có hàng chục ngàn followers, thu nhập khủng từ viết lách, v.v.

Những mục tiêu đó khiến mỗi việc tôi làm đều không còn ý nghĩa, bởi nó không kết nối với giá trị thực sự bên trong con người tôi – một người số 9, sinh ra là để giúp đỡ con người.

Vậy là, con đường tôi đi có thể giống và cũng có thể khác những người viết lách tự do khác, nhưng nhất định mục đích cuối cùng của mọi thứ tôi viết ra phải mang giá trị nhân văn sâu sắc, là để giúp đỡ con người đối mặt với những nỗi đau của họ.

Tôi viết là để giúp đỡ co

Những gì tôi học được từ khóa học viết sẽ vẫn là công cụ, tôi vẫn cần phát triển mạng lưới, xây dựng độc giả, làm marketing nhưng mục đích cuối cùng của tôi thì phải luôn là thực hiện sứ mệnh của con số 9.

Mỗi bài tôi viết phải chạm đến một nỗi đau của người đọc. Nếu không thể đưa ra đối sách thì chí ít cũng để họ biết rằng họ được thấu hiểu, họ không cô đơn. Mỗi khi có thêm một người follow, tôi sẽ không mừng húm mà nghĩ rằng vậy là mình đã gần hơn một bước tới mục tiêu nổi tiếng, được người đời trọng vọng. Với tôi bây giờ, mỗi lượt follow mới là một lời nhắc nhở rằng đang có những con người đặt niềm tin vào con chữ của tôi, và tôi không được phép làm họ thất vọng.

Con đường của Mindfully T. có thể sẽ còn thay đổi, nhưng để cho lòng mình có thể yên ổn và thực sự tìm được ý nghĩa của việc viết lách, thì tôi chắc chắn không thể quên đi sứ mệnh của mình.

Yêu thương,

Có thể bạn sẽ thích

357 Comments

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