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“Mẹ đã bảo con phải đi dép vào không lạnh chân cơ mà!”

“Con có nhanh lên không, sắp muộn học rồi.”

“Giời ơi, lại nghịch nước ướt hết quần áo rồi. Con có biết hôm nay con thay mấy bộ rồi không?”

Bạn tự hứa sẽ là một người mẹ hiền hòa, vị tha và bình tĩnh. Nhưng rồi ngày nào cũng vậy, được một lúc là bạn lại bắt gặp mình đang càu nhàu hoặc gằn giọng với con, còn con thì phụng phịu hoặc chống đối. 

Mọi việc nhanh chóng trở nên xấu xí, bạn thấy mình thật tệ, nhưng con cũng chẳng phải rất bất công với bạn sao? Tại sao có mỗi việc đi dép vào cho đỡ lạnh chân mà cũng không nhớ? Tại sao bạn đang vội như vậy mà con không chịu hợp tác, con có biết bạn phải xấu hổ với đồng nghiệp như thế nào khi đi làm muộn hay không?

Bài viết hôm nay, tôi muốn gợi ý cho bạn một con đường để thoát khỏi sự bế tắc này. 

Khi bạn bắt đầu cảm thấy có một cuộc chiến sắp diễn ra giữa bạn và con, hãy dừng lại và nhắc mình: con đang cố gắng nhiều hơn bạn tưởng. 

Hằng ngày chúng ta cứ mặc định rằng trẻ con thật sướng: chẳng phải nghĩ ngợi lo lắng gì, chỉ biết ăn với chơi. Nhưng có thật là như thế không? Hãy dành một chút thời gian để hồi tưởng về quá khứ, khi chính mình còn là một đứa trẻ.

Bạn đã quên rồi sao? 

Bạn chẳng có quyền quyết định việc gì tới mức chỉ mong nhanh thành người lớn. Cảm giác sợ hãi và mông lung trước những điều chưa biết. 

Cảm giác oan uổng khi muốn làm điều gì với ý tốt mà lại bị người lớn hiểu lầm. 

Cảm giác áp lực vì những kỳ vọng của cha mẹ. 

Cảm giác căm ghét bản thân khi bị la mắng, trách phạt.

Hãy nhớ ngày làm việc đầu tiên ở nơi mới, khi bạn vừa tốt nghiệp. Bạn phải làm quen với những khái niệm mới, quy trình công việc mà bạn chưa thể hình dung, với những quy định trên giấy cũng như quy định ngầm trong văn hóa công ty. Có quá nhiều điều phải học. Bạn cố gắng ghi nhớ để áp dụng tất cả mớ nguyên tắc, quy trình đó vào những công việc được giao, vừa làm vừa mày mò. 

Giờ hãy tưởng tượng nếu như có một người quản lý cứ kè kè bên cạnh, la mắng bạn bất cứ khi nào bạn quên mất một bước trong quy trình hay vi phạm một nguyên tắc tinh vi trong công việc mà người mới chưa thể nào đánh giá được. Bạn sẽ cảm thấy thế nào?

Đó chính là cảm giác mà các con đang phải đối mặt. Là một đứa trẻ, hằng ngày con vẫn đang tìm hiểu về chính mình và làm quen với quy luật vận hành của thế giới. Có quá nhiều nguyên tắc trong thế giới của người lớn mà con cần thời gian để ghi nhớ và tuân thủ. Một đứa trẻ 2 tuổi học cách xếp giày ngay ngắn trước khi vào nhà, một đứa trẻ 3 tuổi học cách kiên nhẫn chờ tới lượt, một đứa trẻ 5 tuổi học cách nhường đồ chơi cho em. Có thể đó chẳng là gì so với một người lớn, nhưng với con, nó đòi hỏi rất nhiều nỗ lực?

Khi hiểu được như thế, bạn bỗng nhiên cảm thấy một sự nhẹ nhõm kỳ lạ ở trong mình. Không còn trách móc con, không còn trách cứ chính mình. Con đang cố gắng rất nhiều, và bạn thực ra cũng vậy. Tại sao phải đối đầu với nhau trong khi chúng ta có thể chọn yêu thương? Tại sao không chọn hoa hồng thay vì nóng súng?

Dĩ nhiên, trong lúc đang sắp sửa muộn làm hay khi nhìn thấy người con ướt sũng vì nghịch nước, thì không dễ gì để chúng ta nhớ về tất cả những điều trên. Tôi hiểu, bởi vì tôi cũng là một người mẹ giữa núi việc bộn bề. Nhưng ít nhất, hãy biết rằng bạn có QUYỀN LỰA CHỌN.

Chọn dừng lại khi chợt nhận ra mình sắp buông lời quá quắt.

Chọn dừng lại khi thấy mình đang cau có với con.

Dừng lại và tự nhắc mình: “Con đang cố gắng nhiều hơn mình tưởng.”

Chỉ cần một khoảnh khắc thôi, nhưng khoảng dừng ấy chính là khoảng-tự-do của bạn. Nhờ dừng lại, bạn không còn là nạn nhân của cảm xúc. Bạn có thể vẫn tức giận, lo lắng, thất vọng nhưng sẽ không để những cảm xúc này khiến bạn có những lời nói và hành động sai lầm với con thêm lần nữa. 

Thực ra, nó là con đường mà chúng ta có thể đi đối mặt với mâu thuẫn trong bất kỳ mối quan hệ nào. Hãy chọn yêu thương thay vì đối đầu.

Vì yêu thương đích thực có màu của tự do.

Yêu thương,

Có thể bạn sẽ thích

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