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Thời lượng đọc: 5 phút

Hôm nay là ngày 1 tháng 8 năm 2023.

Có lẽ tháng 8 là tháng mình sinh ra nên cứ sang tháng 8, trong mình lại có một cảm giác xuyến xao kỳ lạ – của sự Trở Về với những gì nguyên thuỷ nhất như ngày đầu tiên đến thế giới này.

Sớm nay, mình thiền buổi sáng và nhận ra ồ, đã đến lúc quay lại với trang blog này rồi đấy.

Mình bắt đầu mindfullyt.com với một niềm vui thích rất trẻ thơ, cũng như đứa trẻ say mê nghịch đất hay nguệch ngoạc vẽ một bức tranh. Nó chơi chẳng để đạt được một kết quả gì, phục vụ một toan tính gì cụ thể. Nó chơi chỉ vì chính cái việc chơi, cái vui của mỗi việc nó làm.

Thế mà, có một thời gian loanh quanh trước/sau khi nghỉ việc ở công ty cũ, mình đã vô tình làm “biến tính” cuộc chơi này.

Mình coi trang blog này là một cái cần câu. Câu cơm, câu danh tiếng, câu sự tán thưởng – câu những thứ mà bản ngã của mình đang gào thét đòi mình phải kiếm về để thoả cơn khát không bao giờ thoả. Thế là rất đơn giản thôi, con tàu chệch đường ray và lao xuống ruộng. Hihi.

Bây giờ ngồi nhìn lại, mình cũng chẳng trách mình. Việc lao xuống ruộng trong 1 năm qua cũng là một phần phải có của tiến trình phát triển. Đi lạc rồi mới biết nhớ đường về. Đi đến tận cùng của cái mình không thuộc về, mới định nghĩa được mục đích mình sinh ra để sống – phải không?

1.8.2023.

Đi lòng vòng loằng ngoằng như đường kẻ trắng trên logo Mindfully T., cuối cùng mình cũng trở về với Trái Tim.

Hôm nay là ngày mình chợt nghe thấy lời mách bảo cần phải tiếp tục viết để trở về. Về với cái niềm vui nguyên thuỷ của việc viết lách. Là chơi với ngôn từ, là lựa và sắp những con chữ, thanh âm để làm sao truyền đạt một điều bên trong đang khao khát được nói ra. Là một cái “utterance” – một thứ rất tự nhiên cần được thốt ra vì nó đương nhiên phải thế.

Cái niềm vui trọn vẹn như khi mình ngồi bên bàn làm việc của bố, kỳ cạch gõ một bài blog lên yahoo360. Một bài về quãng đường đi từ trường về nhà, đi qua hồ Đại Lải và qua đồi làm dấy lên trong mình cảm thức yêu thương với cuộc đời và vùng đất nơi mình sinh ra. Bấm đăng xong, đọc đi đọc lại mà niềm vui tràn ngập, dù chẳng biết có ai đọc được những lời này…

Mình sẽ lại viết ở đây với một niềm vui như thế. Rất có thể, mình sẽ viết nhiều về hành trình mình đã đi một năm qua – xuyên qua bóng tối và tiến về ánh sáng. Có thể có cả những bài về làm cha mẹ nhưng viết bởi một phiên bản khác của mình. Một phiên bản vui tươi hơn nhưng cũng sâu lắng hơn, thả lỏng hơn nhưng cũng mạnh mẽ hơn, khôn ngoan hơn nhưng cũng ngô nghê hơn.

Nó là gì? Hành trình này sẽ đi đến đâu?

Mình không chắc nữa và cũng không còn muốn hứa. Mình sẽ để niềm vui và tình yêu dẫn lối, việc còn lại, phó thác vào cao xanh.

Hẹn gặp bạn trong những bài viết mới.

Yêu thương,

 

 

 

Có thể bạn sẽ thích

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